


Welcome to Existence

by jesterlady



Category: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Companion Piece, Episode Related, Gen, Grief/Mourning, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-26
Updated: 2013-05-26
Packaged: 2017-12-13 00:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/817936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cameron helps John when someone has to die for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Existence

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Welcome to the Fallout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/817940) by [jesterlady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady). 



> A/N: This is one of two pieces I wrote that show how Cameron and John help each other. This is from Cameron's POV and takes place after the events of Goodbye to All That. The other story is Welcome to the Fallout.  
> Disclaimer: I don't own TSCC. The title is from a song by Switchfoot

She arrived back before them and was in the shed. There was no reason for her to be in the shed. But she thought that was where he would go once Sarah had assessed his state of well being and pronounced him fit enough to leave her presence.

He entered, banging the door open, and stopped when he noticed her.

“What are you doing?” he asked and his voice was what she thought could be called tired. 

It was not an advisable state for him and she decided Sarah had been incorrect in her assessment of him.

“I am not doing anything.”

“A machine with no purpose, perfect.” He came all the way into the shed and leaned against the table. “So, where were you last night?”

“I was approximately twenty three point four feet from your position.”

“And you didn’t do anything.”

“My help was not required. You terminated the T-888.”

“It could have been a lot faster if you’d intervened.”

“I would have had it been necessary. Your protection is my full concern.”

“So, you weren’t concerned then when I started screaming about being John Connor for the whole world to hear?”

“Your voice is not capable of that function.” 

She studied him closely and saw his lips begin to turn upward. She believed that was a good thing.

“You thought it was a good idea for me to reveal my true identity.” 

His voice identified as sarcasm.

“No, I did not. But there was not ample time to stop you and so I kept watch, ready.” 

Her decision making skills were far superior to his, though that did not mean he was not adept in that arena. He was more capable than most human beings that she’d met.

“Well, it doesn’t matter, does it? Nobody died but the terminator. My secret’s safe. No little kids were exposed to corpses. Martin is back on his destiny and all set to die for me.”

“His sacrifice was necessary to ensure your survival.”

“I’m told so is everyone’s,” he snapped. “But forgive me if I can’t quite reconcile myself to that fact.”

“You would not be human, not be John Connor, if it were otherwise.”

He turned to face her and she noticed that he appeared to be thinking hard. His body’s reactions were directed solely at her. It was not the optimal position for him as he would be unlikely to notice an attack. She opened her mouth to say this, but he interrupted her.

“I’m sick to death of hearing about what John Connor is or does or should be. I’m John Connor and only I know who I am. Your future doesn’t exist anymore. If I don’t want people to die for me, I shouldn’t have to!” 

His voice was high in tone and water leaked from his eyes in what humans called crying. She had cried herself before. Her databanks told her it was an uncomfortable experience.

“Crying is not comfortable,” she said.

“No, no it’s not. But it’s very human. It’s human to cry when someone dies, when everything you know is going to be gone someday.”

“Should I cry?” she asked. “It is important for me to empathize with you. And it would not be a lie for me to cry. Everything I know will be gone someday.”

He raised his head slightly and when he looked at her, she could not ascertain what it was that he was feeling or thinking. She was adept at reading John Connor, present or future, but he was blocking her. It made it difficult for her to do her job. He didn’t say anything, but he sat down against the wall and motioned for her to join him.

“Tell me their names,” he said. “Tell me the names of everyone who dies for me. Sent on a mission, sent back in time. If you want to cry, cry.”

She joined him on the ground. She did not understand his request, but she wanted him to be able to function properly and it was apparent he would not until she complied.

“Alejos, Rita. Bedell, Martin. Buchanan, Matt. Connor, Sarah. Connor, Sarah. Connor, Sarah. Dixon, Michelle. Dyson, Miles. Erickson, Heather. Graham, Mildred. Jackson, Henry. Laazlo, George. Matson, Lucas. Perdred, Fallah. Reese, Derek. Reese, Kyle. Traxler, Ed. Ventura, Ginger. Voight, Janelle. Voight, Todd. Vukovich, Hal. Young, Allison...”

This list was not extensive, containing mostly people from the south-western part of the United States, and she assumed he knew that. He did not argue or attempt to correct her. He sat, he listened to the names, he cried, he nodded at the ones he recognized. He was very human.

Cameron wasn’t human. But she was not programmed to be unfeeling when the situation did not call for it. She felt her own face become moist as her tear ducts activated. Her voice was unwavering as she listed out name after name, from any timeline she knew of. John Connor sat beside her, where she could best keep him safe. 

She was not sure how to handle humanity. John Connor always taught her how. She was grateful for today’s lesson. She would implement it into the rest of her programming. She assumed this was what John called truly living.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Welcome to the Fallout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/817940) by [jesterlady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady)




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